Matt Hackmann

I am the Master of Timing

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So, how'd you like that month of non-blogging? I didn't think I could do it, but it turned out to be not so difficult. Yay me! Now that that's out of the way, let me weave you a tale.

Four days a week, I eat Hot Pockets(R) for lunch (the fifth is usually Subway). I have a very specific routine:

1) Walk to break room

2) Grab Hot Pocket(R) and set microwave for 2 minutes

3) Leave break room and take a leak

4) Return to break room and retrieve Hot Pocket(R)

Mundane, yes? Nothing special happening here, right? That's where you'd be wrong. By the time I return to the break room from the the bathroom, the microwave will read, WITHOUT FAIL, between 18 and 22 seconds left.

This routine, with all the variables (how fast I walk, how much I need to piss, people I might bump into along the way, etc), takes 1 minute and 40 seconds with an error rate of -2/+2 seconds. That's pretty damn good if you ask me.