Matt Hackmann

My Ideal First Date

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So, I was talking with an a college buddy of mine and he's all trying to get me to join the dating site "Plenty Of Fish". I went along with it for kicks and giggles, mostly just porting over info from my OkCupid profile (which I also maintain primarily for kicks and giggles). However, one question on there set my writing mind ablaze: "First date?". Now, this field was optional, but I really wanted to paint a picture for this one. Below is what I wrote:

A first formal date, in an ideal scenario, would pan out as such:

The time is 6:30. The sun is beginning to set, casting a crimson hue over the city. I gaze in the mirror to ensure everything is in order before heading down the stairs and entering my car. It's still thirty minutes early, but all has been calculated to arrive at her doorstep five minutes early given the distance and traffic for this time of day.

I arrive at the dwelling of my lady friend at 6:54pm, ever so slightly ahead of schedule. I take a deep breath, willing away my nervousness, step out of the car, and walk up to the door announcing my arrival by knock or door bell (if one is available). Lady friend opens the door and I comment her on how lovely she looks. We walk over to my chariot and I open the door for her, because I swing that way (pun intended).

Our first stop of the evening is to a mildly formal, sit down restaurant. We're not talking Chateau Le Blanc, but Fridays, Olive Garden, something in that vein. We make lighthearted conversation over the next hour and a half or so. We don't want to dawdle too long, because the movie begins at 9:15pm. I pick up the tab and we make our exit.

The choice of movie for the evening has been left entirely up to the lady friend. I do this because I'm shooting for date number two (when I get to pick the movie/activity). As we sit there in the dark, eyes taking in the sea of colors projected before us, I might just make a move to hold her hand. No putting my arms around her or anything. This is left for stage two. The movie over, we exit the theater and once again make our way to my ride (with all it's lack of "pimpin'") and, as I've done all night, I open the door for her. Chivalry isn't dead, ladies.

I return her to her place of dwelling and I see her to the door. I put out a couple of verbal probes to see how the evening fared. Second date and a continuation of seeing each other is my only goal, though a small peck on the cheek is most certainly welcome (nothing full on, this only the first date, people!).

I return to my house and reflect upon the evening. Once I'm bored of that, I fire up some porn and masturbate furiously for the rest of the night. The end!

I can see the throng of ladies making their way for my door already...

Skype, you get my eyes of disapproval

Posted On

First of all, arm yourselves with knowledge: ARM

So, recently, my bros have had a couple accounts hacked (one email, one Steam). Fearing that I was next in line, I started changing all my passwords using the scheme laid out above: very long passwords consisting of easy to remember normal words/phrases.

First, I changed my facebook password. It complained that my password was "weak", but allowed me to proceed.

Twitter was all "dude, that password is very secure" and I'm like "hells, yes. They get it."

My bank limited me to 14 characters, so I said fuck it as that's the only place I use that password and my user name and banking institution would need to be known. Also, they lock my account after three failed login attempts at which point I must call. Whatever, we'll let that one slide.

And then we come to Skype. Now, Skype is the only program that didn't get a password change after my too-commonly used password was leaked (in md5 hash form) from one of the lulz sec releases in the spring. (Why I didn't change it, I don't know). I figured now may was well be that time.

So, I entered skypeissomehowmuchbetterthanvoip into both boxes and it gave me the green check mark of "you're good". Click the submit button.

Longer is better!

Okay, I disapprove, but whatever. I'll roll with it.


18 characters, close enough. Green check mark, submit.



Okay, fine.

fuckyouskypefucky00 (hard to tell with Georgia, but those are zeroes on the end)

19 characters, with numbers, plenty long and certainly memorable. Again, green check, submit.


So, let me get this straight. My old, six character, one number, one caps password is just fine and dandy, but a long string which (yes, contains words, repeating even) isn't? Really?

Needless to say, I'm a trifle pissed. And as I write this, I still haven't changed that password. And I'm going to email this to Skype and tell them exactly what I think of this bullshit.

Okay, soapbox done.