I don't usually brag, but I make the Best Fucking Spaghetti Sauce in the world (BFSS for short). Today, I am going to pass on my tried and true formula to you, my adoring Internet audience.

Step 1

Chop some onion, celery and carrots. This is known in the culinary world as mirepoix.

Step 2

Saute your mirepoix in some olive oil along with spices and other things.

Step 3

Apply a healthy dose of magic. This step is critical and you mustn't get it wrong lest you create a hideous food beast.

Step 4

Enjoy over some thin spaghetti. Not that fat stuff. Ideally, you'd also have Parmesan cheese, though I sadly did not for this instance.

Congratulations! You now can make your own BFSS to woo over whomever you please!